please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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