I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
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I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
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For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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