so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
