those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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