Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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