im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
