that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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