perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
