What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
