he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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