she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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