Whatcha textin bout Willis?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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