My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
