Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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