K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
