Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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