remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
