wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
