Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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