I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
