I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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