The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
