We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You have to summon your inner elephant
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
