I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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