Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
