Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
