Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
He felt like a one man threesome
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I said "one day" and that day is not today
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
