i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
