It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
