I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize