I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
