A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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