I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
