So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
