Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
