Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
