her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
