my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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