just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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