Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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