i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
