I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I had to cum in my sink.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
