We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
