I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
