i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
