Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
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That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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