My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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