gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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