i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
