i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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