No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
