Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
my phone needs a breathalizer
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
