oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
