Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
