And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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