I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
