All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
we should paint friendship bongs
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