she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The feeling are messing with the penis
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
