I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
