Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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